Binkytowne

BlogHer 09. Part I. (Stay With Me).

Forgive me if this is a little discombobulated, but that's my general state at the moment and I don't want to get too far away from this without writing some things down. A lot of things down. Sorry this is a doozy.

I have, what I think, is a unique perspective on BlogHer. I've never been to one before, despite blogging since 2006. Which, surprisingly, is a pretty long time in BlogHer conference terms. All of the bloggers that I met randomly, in the elevator, at lunch, in the registration line, had been blogging for about a year, give or take. I've read all of the previous BlogHer re-caps. I read all of the Pre-BlogHer primers. Was it what I expected? Not exactly.

BlogHer is like high school. Don't let anyone tell you it's not. There are popular bloggers and groups that roam together. Groups that know about hush-hush events and others that get invited to top-secret parties. Now, having said that, everyone made me feel comfortable when I walked up to say hello and no-one made me feel shut out or made fun of my outfit. I can see how it's a natural progression for women who have done the conferences together before and have known each other for a long time to hang together, so that's what it's like and if you can accept that, then you are ready for....

Inspiration overload. In the sea of bloggers that were there and amidst the swag/twitter fiascos (more on that in a minute), there are some women who absolutely stand out as writers AND as people. It was a privilege to see them and hear them in person. I was so moved by the good vibes I got from just being around Karen and all her loveliness that I wanted to say things to her that would have embarrassed me. (I didn't. Maybe next time. If there is one. Or, if by some chance you are reading this, Karen, I think you ooze goodness and light and I wanted to hug you just to get close to it.) Nina Gotua had me lost in my minds eye as she read at the Community Keynote and Danielle Henderson's Stuck In the Middle With You was the best laugh I've had in a long time. Chookooloonks has all the posts here. Hearing posts that I thought were amazing on the virtual page brought to life by the people who wrote them is not something you can witness anywhere else and it was worth all of the....

Drama. Ladies. Please. Like I said, I have read all of the previous year's recaps and there is always drama. Every year. This year it's about the swag/sponsors. Here's the picture: Social Luxe throws a party before the conference even begins and starts handing out bags of swag that are bigger than my living room which are worth $1,000, and some even $4,000. This gets tweeted. Thousands of women who didn't put down their iPhones for one second of the weekend-long event read it. I think that this set the expectation that this was the year of SwagHer and people started to go a little crazy. I get it, swag is fun, especially when money is tight. I heard lots of talk about how people were stealing swag bags, but I was at Social Luxe and it didn't seem to be executed well. People were telling me everyone got bags once you registered (which I didn't.They were only for those who RSVP'd) even if you didn't RSVP (I didn't do that either.) The bags ran out a few people before me, but I can tell you, if there had been bags, I probably would have taken one because...

I didn't know I shouldn't. I went to a panel where there was a lot of discussion about building positive relationships through your blogs and relationships. I know what this means, but I wonder if everyone does? I have worked professionally for fourteen years treating people the way I would like to be treated, with respect and courtesy. I think we have an influx of new bloggers who weren't around for the first half of this party, before monetizing became an issue. I don't think everyone knows what it means to build a relationship. Why should they? The new generation hasn't had to. The money machine was in motion when they got here. I think BlogHer would be wise to put on a panel next year about what that really means. What do I mean?

What you should do: If you show up to a party given by a sponsor and they have made you a mojito, have given you good smelling samples and are offering you tasty snacks that involve a chocolate fountain and pound cake, stay for a while. Engage with the sponsors. Talk to them. Say thank you.   

What you should not do: Wait in line for almost an hour for a party that handed out swag to the first so-many people through the door. Walk in, take a bag, turn around and leave. Not cool....

People. I got to room with Mayberry Mom. She has the cutest little giggle you've ever heard. You just can't know everything about a woman from reading her blog and I had a fabulous time hanging out with her. Of course, sometimes you can know ..

Too much. That's enough for now. Stay tuned for Part II.

Past tense

Today I took some antibacterial wipes to my old girl, my blue medela lactina. I shined her up, wrapped her cord around her two, three times and gently (after two or three times, Medela, that carrier is not easy to figure out, F.Y.I.) placed her in the big, blue, limosine of a carrier. I snapped the fastners shut and placed her on the counter of the pharmacy where I remembered that I picked her up exactly a year ago this week.

I remember the heat, sitting in my Saturn, sipping a green tea latte, my belly ginormus, talking on my cellphone to my sister, hashing out my last minute, ever-changing, labor and delivery birth plan modifications. I remember how the clerk asked me what I was having and then immediately chastised herself, announcing it was none of her business.

I remembered being so skeptical that I would need it at all, but also remembered the panic that ensued the day I brought my first baby home, trying to procure a pump just like it, because you know, I thought that if I didn't have it with me at all times, the baby would starve. Literally.

I remembered how I remembered lugging a carrier case just like this one through the hospital. I drove myself, even though they tell you not to, to the hospital when I had a raging mastitis infection and I required admitting for IV antibiotics. I remember how hard I cried, in that hospital bed alone, because the baby coudln't spend the night with me unless my husband did too, when they told me I might have to stay for a few days. At least until the fever broke.

I remembered all the days I got to work, or almost got to work and realized I forgot crucial pumping bottles or funnels or those god damn little white shields that slipped off when I washed them. I remember bags of fresh, warm, breast milk tipping over in slow motion in front of my eyes, but still more quickly than I could catch them.

I remembered how the sight of a freezer door full of bags of breast milk made me feel equally tethered and yet liberated.

I remember that I remembered those things and more as I drove away.

Leaving that pump and that time, behind. 

Silver is the New ??

I want to buy these shoes. They are Born Crowns.

They are supposed to be crazy comfortable. I have Born clogs and they are more or less like walking on air. They cost as much as much as probably a real crown would cost if one could purchase adornments for the head. For the record, I am old enough to justify spending a load of cash on stylish shoes that won't hurt me. 

I picture wearing them with jeans. Doesn't silver go with everything? I wear silver jewelry only, never gold and I also carry a big babystar silver tote. I think they would look hawt with an all black ensemble. They come in black and black is probably more practical but I sick sick sick of black clothing and shoes. I have black shoes. Lots of 'em. I want to mix it up.

But here's the thing. Be honest. Are these

A) Yeah girl, rock those shiny shoes in a trendy but current kind of way

or

B) Ummm, nice try. You are this close to forty so you should stop trying to dress like you are decades younger than that

Is silver hot or not?

Paging Lucy

You know, Lucy, from Peanuts with her sign that says "The Doctor Is In" and her canister where she collects nickles for doling out mental health advice.

I've been thinking for many months now, that I have to find a way to deal with my son's absolute distaste for all things change-related. He does not like change, he likes predictability and routine. Gosh, I think to myself and sigh, where does he get that from? Except I don't actually use the word gosh in my head.

No really, I think that all time, it's surely not from me.

Reality check.

Exhibit A: I can't even blog on this blog because it's not my old blog and I don't like blogging on my new blog even though the act of blogging, really hasn't changed.

Exhibit B: The thought of going out for an evening and leaving my children with a babysitter puts me at total unease.

Exhibit C: The thought of taking a vacation, a real vacation with my kids that involves an airplane, practically makes me break out in hives.

It's so hard for me to see this because I wasn't always like this. Looking back, I can see it clearly. It all changed when I became a mom.

I thought I had this beaten. I have TWO children now, not one. I feel like a Mother now, with a capital *M*, not a trying-to-be-one or a I'll bet I look like one on the outside model.

But still, plainly, somewhere in me lurks this fear that something will go wrong if things deviate off-course. Wrong how? I don't know.

How does one become more fearless? Really, I want to know.

Besides completely freaking out

Things I need(ed) to do before I go to work tomorrow:

Get baby to take bottle (still unsuccessful, by the way, hence the freaking)

Arrange for childcare (In-laws) since he can't start daycare until Monday

Do laundry/wash dishes/put shit away

Cry

Bathe children

Talk to husband who is OUT OF TOWN for work

Freak out - a little

Set up air mattress for in-laws

Wonder if in-laws will be able to get off the air mattress in the morning

Change sheets

Make rice crispy treats. Eat handsome portion while still warm

Get rid of the spider webs I've been ignoring for three months

Cry

Figure out where my non-croc shoes are

Start to freak then realize I have too much to do

Find little bottle for dish soap to pack in pump bag

Prepare Crockpot ingredients for tomorrows's dinner

Pump

Sigh

Besides completely freaking out

Things I need(ed) to do before I go to work tomorrow:

Get baby to take bottle (still unsuccessful, by the way, hence the freaking)

Arrange for childcare (In-laws) since he can't start daycare until Monday

Do laundry/wash dishes/put shit away

Cry

Bathe children

Talk to husband who is OUT OF TOWN for work

Freak out - a little

Set up air mattress for in-laws

Wonder if in-laws will be able to get off the air mattress in the morning

Change sheets

Make rice crispy treats. Eat handsome portion while still warm

Get rid of the spider webs I've been ignoring for three months

Cry

Figure out where my non-croc shoes are

Start to freak then realize I have too much to do

Find little bottle for dish soap to pack in pump bag

Prepare Crockpot ingredients for tomorrows's dinner

Pump

Sigh

If I didn't say it before

To everyone

who commented

when I agonized over

if I could

have two, 

handle two, 

love two 

and said

you should,

you can,

you will.

Thank you.

(There is nothing specific to see here, just... this. Thank you.)

If I didn't say it before

To everyone

who commented

when I agonized over

if I could

have two, 

handle two, 

love two 

and said

you should,

you can,

you will.

Thank you.

(There is nothing specific to see here, just... this. Thank you.)

What, You too?

My laptop has a virus. Or had one, considering it's pretty much died.

My iTunes? Gone. Photos, vanished.

Good news: My laptop is from my employer, who will be providing me with a new, although re-furbished computer.

Bad news: I won't have it until later this week.

More bad news: My husband is letting me post this using his, but he will go to work tomorow and I will have NO INTERNET ACCESS. ALL DAY. I can't even remember the last time I went a whole day with no celebrity gossip and email. Wah.

Will I slowly go crazy or will I get a ton of stuff done I keep meaning to do? Only time will tell.

I'll be back as soon as technically possible.

Unless I go completely stir crazy.

Wish me luck.

What, You too?

My laptop has a virus. Or had one, considering it's pretty much died.

My iTunes? Gone. Photos, vanished.

Good news: My laptop is from my employer, who will be providing me with a new, although re-furbished computer.

Bad news: I won't have it until later this week.

More bad news: My husband is letting me post this using his, but he will go to work tomorow and I will have NO INTERNET ACCESS. ALL DAY. I can't even remember the last time I went a whole day with no celebrity gossip and email. Wah.

Will I slowly go crazy or will I get a ton of stuff done I keep meaning to do? Only time will tell.

I'll be back as soon as technically possible.

Unless I go completely stir crazy.

Wish me luck.