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November 11, 2007



Oh, you. This is awful. I am so sorry. I have struggled with issues in my own neighborhood, not related to pregnancy, but certainly to unspoken one-up(wo)manship. There is an edge, an unspoken something, that is just faint enough that you think you are crazy. I suspect her ocmment was just stupid, but then, we're old enough to know better than to be stupid, aren't we? So sorry.


I hate her for you. Because you might feel like you can't hate her. That you should be happy for her, that there is no connection between her being pregnant and your loss. But since I don't know her and never will, I hate her for you. And I am sorry that she is there to remind you of what you want that she has (both the things she really has and those that you might imagine she's got.)

I imagine the thing about you getting pregnant soon was her (lame) attempt to reach out, to say "I hope it works out for you soon". As awkward as it came out, I imagine it came from a good place. But I still hate her for you.

Midwest Mommy

Wow, I came here from the Moosh and your two blogs today were great.
I worked with a woman who the moment I said I was going to start trying she all of a sudden said she was going to start trying to get pregnant too (Up until that point she had never even given it that much thought because the timing was wrong). I was the one who got pregnant right away and she hated me for it. It took her many months before she was able to get pregnant but the way she treated me ruined our friendship. I wasn't trying to be competitive it was the right time for my husband and I. I was excited that we might be pregnant together. But she never saw it that way. She would tell me I was fat and gaining unnecessary weight. Just plain mean.
Keep your head up and be the better person. Usually when things appear perfect on the outside there is trouble somewhere inside.


I doubt even her perfect ovaries could have squeezed out just the right egg at just the right moment to one-up you in late August, but I totally understand the feeling. Trying to get pregnant brings smiling, happy, pregnant OTHER people out of the woodwork.
I had a "friend" like this once. My sisters referred to her as my "Single, White, Female". She even bought the same car I did. It was OK when she was copying me, because then at least it was like I was "winning", but now she is living the life of a wealthy SAHM with a mansion and a Dr. Husband. And she runs marathons (%$$^&*!!!) So I think right now she is definietly leaving my sorry ass in the dust.


well, since your personal brand of crazy is so familiar, i'm going to say that her Stepford-ness is clearly the problem. but only because, well, my heart is in the throes of that same song.

you wrote this beautifully, you know?


I'm not a fan of how she told you. If she had known you were struggling, and had seen you in a vulnerable moment, I'd think she'd have found a better way.

Hugs to you.


Sigh, our hearts hurt so easily where this is concerned.


Ouch. I'd hate to live so close to someone like that. But it is weird that you have Parallel" lives. But, no matter how things look on the "outside" you never really know what's going on on the inside. We all have our burdens -- some just hide it better.

Sorry about your loss... But, hang in there.


Ouch! What's with the one-upper neighbor?? I can't stand people like that. Especially when they have a freakin story for everything.


Good intentions or not, that was a really insensitive thing for her to say. But it sounds like her insecurities are at work here.


You poor porr thing... I had a miscarriage between my daughter and son and I have a friend that became pregnant the month after I had the miscarriage. There was never any mention of them trying either. She said it was an accident, but knowing this "friend" as I do I can't help but think she did it on purpose after she had found out my news.

Funny thing is, I ended up pregnant the month after the miscarriage also and our sons were born on the same day......

Aimee Greeblemonkey

That sounds all around hard.


I think your previous commentors really say it all but I wanted you to know this is a pretty common thing I think. I have a neighbor like this and it just seems like the same situation; in the end though, it is really that we are all in the same time of our lives (getting married, new houses, babies, etc) and it is so tough to know the right things to say.

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