Ashton Kutcher is not my favorite flavor, but I will acknowledge he is easy on the eyes. Remember how one day he was looking good? His hair long and wavy, framing his face as he was swashbuckling a woman old enough to be his mother? He was Ashton. Young and hot and sassy.
Then remember when he showed up one day, having cut all his hair off for some movie and he looked like a 40 year old who should be wearing a suit and like his name wasn't Ashton, but something like Mike, carrying a briefcase to his office job?
We went for haircut #2 this weekend. It was traumatic. Hair flying everywhere, a screaming toddler desperately trying to escape my arms, which were pinning down his. An Italian barber who couldn't say more than "OK OK", which to me signaled we were done, but to him simply translated: Stop that child from wiggling of I'm going to cut his ear off. Twenty minutes of this, the barber squirting my son in the head with his water bottle and my son a complete mess with snot and hair all over his face I said ENOUGH!
Looking down at all that beautiful golden (it's really golden, I'm not exaggerating) hair covering my black pants made me more than a little sick. I kept looking at him in my rear view mirror driving home and cringing. Oh how I loved to sweep his locks to the side with my fingers, brushing them away from his face, admiring the curve of his forehead, the way the fine hair, the silky undergrowth along the hairline was platinum blond, kissed by the sun.
Now he looks like he's 40, OK, he doesn't look 40 but he does look like he's 4. I'm not down with that look. I know, it's hair, it grows back, yadda yadda. No more italian barbers! No more male barbers in grown up barbershops! I'm going to find a mommy somewhere who cuts hair at a kids salon who will know what it means when I say not too short. Who will understand that translates to: Please don't take my little boy away from me. Please don't let him get discovered modeling underwear and marry a hot movie star as old as me and pull pranks on people on TV for kicks.
At least, not until he's 40.