A good bad position to be in

Why did I blow off classes when I was in college? Especially when I was paying for it myself? Yes,I was working full time, but I know that's not why. It was just because I could. Not a great answer, but it's the truth. Because no one makes you go to class, if I didn't want to go, I didn't. It was a small (and now I know rather futile) assertion of my independence. It felt good. If I was engaged in a class I went. If I was bored, I dropped in and out, smart enough to know how much work I had to do to get by; not smart enough to know that the people who showed up every day were probably going to get into Grad school and I wasn't. I never had a plan. My grand plan: Get my English degree and stop waitressing. I'd figure out the rest when I got there. Brilliant.

I wanted to be a professor. I wanted to study and write about books, not actually write them myself. I liked poetry. I had a poetry workshop my senior year in which the teacher asked us at the onset why we wrote poems. My answer: I have a short attention span and I like writing big things in little spaces. I swear she rolled her eyes and discounted me immediately. She was a Writer practicing a Craft and I was not worthy of her class. (I'm sure I skipped out a lot. I really showed her!) I had a couple poems that I was really proud of and I sent those babies off to every anthology and press I could find.

Only one submission ever came back. I called people excitedly. They want to publish my poem! Only later did I read the fine print which said I would have to pay them to get it in the book, not the other way other around. I think I may have given up after that. I still sent out submissions but the dream of writing something that would appear in a book became smaller and smaller until I simply didn't notice it anymore.

I did not get into Graduate school with my first attempt and consistent with my behavior up to that point, I didn't persist. I didn't retake some classes to bring my GPA up, I didn't even apply to multiple schools. I got a job and I'm still here. I'm not unhappy about that, I have been fortunate to work with wonderful women who helped to create opportunities for me to find a job that I really like in an industry that I never thought would be mine. I still write, just not in the way I imagined when that dream felt real. I have always wondered in the back of mind, what if I had done things differently, but the truth is, I'm very content with where I am.

From the BlogHer Ads newletter:

Rita Arens of Surrender, Dorothy has landed a book deal for her mommyblogging anthology featuring BlogHers Amy from Binkytown, Stefania from Citymama, Susan from Friday Playdate, Eden from Fussy, Izzy from IzzyMom, Liz from Mom-101, Jenn from Mommy Needs Coffee and Mommybloggers.com, Kristen from Motherhood Uncensored, Jenifer from Not Calm (dot com), Grace from State of Grace, Lisa Stone from Surfette, Jenny from Three Kid Circus, Mir from Would Coulda Shoulda, Amy and Tracey from MamaPop
- the book is tentatively titled Sleep is for the Weak: True Tales to Get You Through Parenthood and is due out from Chicago Review Press in Fall 2008.

Congratulations!

Congratulations Indeed! This is a huge undertaking and I know she worked really hard pulling this together so Yea for Rita. I submitted two posts for consideration for the anthology, I'm not sure which one made it in,but I think based on the title,it's probably Sleeping On the Floor. I am extremely honored to be included with the blogging company listed above. I absolutely swoon when I read that list of authors and see myself included.

A couple of blog friends in the computer have sent congrats after reading this and I really appreciate them because really, it's probably all I am gonna get. No one in my real life knows about my blog except my husband (Who doesn't read it, because he's you know, living it) and my two best girlfriends and only one of them visits. That's by design. The same spirit that made me want to skip classes for no other reason than I wanted to is at work here. This blog is just for me, independent of anyone's expectations or opinions other than mine. I love sharing it with bloggers, lovely friends I have made on line, because you are bloggers too. You get it that I can capture big feelings here in a post, instead of a novel and I can be anyone I want to on any given day. I just don't want to give that up.

Dreams are mysterious creatures. Often when I'm driving or drifting off to sleep I sometimes wonder, How about that? I carried that forgotten dream all these years and suddenly it just happened. It wasn't any poetry workshop, it was having a baby and losing my mind and finding an outlet and writing down what I was thinking about and a dream was realized. A dream I had put aside to make room for other things.

I'm not one hundred percent sure I'm actually in this book, I don't know if the publisher is still going at it with a big black magic marker, crossing out names and lines. If I should find my way in, I would be proud to present a copy to my parents or share this with my sister when the book arrives on shelves. Maybe I will but I don't think so. As much happiness as that would give me, I'd be giving too much away. It's certainly not my book and for some of these authors this is another line on a distinguished list of publications, but for me, it's a big deal. I hope you don't mind if I celebrate here. Everyone is invited and there will most definitely be party hats.

Comments

[jenny]

that is cool - you should be celebrating! congrats. i love your writing and i should comment more. we all have dreams and thanks for sharing a little bit more about yours.

[Lady M]

Congratulations! I can't wait to read this book.

[Mrs. Chicken]

I am so happy for you. And I totally get this. I don't submit a lot of stuff to things like this because my mom and many of my family members don't know about my blog.

And I like it that way.

[magpie]

Congratulations! And such nice company!

[mayberry]

I'm with you & Mrs. Chicken -- most "real life" people don't know about my blog. So it does make it a little tricky to celebrate BIG DEALS like this! You're in such great company and you deserve to be there. I can't wait to see the book.

[Binky]

Congratulations! Sounds like this Rita Arens has good taste.

[Sarah at In the Trenches of Mommyhood]

I love this post of yours. And I totally get the sense of what you mean.
Congrats!