In gearing up for our two year old check up at Dr. McDon't-worry's office. At each well visit I've had a list of things that I need to be addressed. He addresses them, barely able to conceal his pity and tries not to roll his eyes. At the 18 month appointment I brought up the issue of eating, or more precisely not eating, because I was afraid the little man was going to be saddled with some kind of swallowing disorder. Because he doesn't eat anything. Dr. McDon't-worry told me it's normal. Wait six more months. He's growing at an appropriate rate, he's relatively healthy (especially for a day care child) and this means he's absolutely fine you crazy overly anxious neurotic first time mother. Here's your sticker, now move along.
I swear I will sit on that doctor until he gives me some information I can use instead of dismissing everything I say as 'normal'. In order to make him pay attention, today I started to make a list of what little man will eat so I can hand it to him and wait for his reaction:
Fruit & Dairy: He'll eat all of it, no problems. Any fruit, yogurt, ice cream, milk, cheese. We're good.
Grain: Bread, oatmeal, pancakes, waffles, crackers, sometimes pasta.
Veggies: Pea soup, broccoli if I chop it small enough to be hidden and carrot juice, no real peas or carrots or veggies of any kind.
Protein: Eggs, peanut butter, black beans, turkey (only if sliced thin enough to practically see through it).
That's it. That's what he will eat, if he eats at all. He will not think broccoli tree's are cute and want to dip them in some ranch dressing. He knows a green leafy vegetable when he sees it and he's not falling for that old trick. Please. Chicken is out of the question. Even the yummy breaded and deep fried kind. Not having it. Beef. That will cause a major commotion just by suggesting he think about maybe trying it, you know, when he's forty. Sauce is off limits. Any kind. Period.
The only reason I have not parked myself outside of a specialist's office (yet) is because I was and still am just like this, but worse. I grew up on a diet that consisted of highly processed macaroni and cheese, buttered noodles and hot dogs, wonder bread slathered in butter and anything covered in American cheese well into my teen years. So I know he's not going to starve of malnutrition eating what he's currently agreed to put away. A lunch consisting of milk, peanut butter on whole wheat and a banana is way better than grape kool-aid poured into a coffee cup (so I could pretend I was drinking coffee), a piece of white bread slathered with pizza quick sauce and topped with a piece of cheese-food.
I still have my issues and there are still more things that I won't eat just because I don't want to (mayonnaise, olives, shrimp, ribs) than things I will. I can't explain it. There are things I just don't want to put in my mouth. I can't bring myself to do it. That's why I will not resort to Dr. McDon't-worry's suggestion of withholding food until he eats what I want him to. First of all, I think it's mean and more controlling than practical. Second of all, who has to get up with him when he wakes up at 2AM hungry because he refused to eat that slab of meatloaf? Oh, right. That would be me. Brilliant plan Einstein. Now he's hungry and sleep deprived. Good times.
There has got to be a better way. Not only does he not appreciate my culinary skills (ha) but he won't even try and that's what worries me. If he would dive head first into a plate of tuna salad and exclaim that it was disgusting, then fine by me. At least he'd tried. But he won't try. Not even if I beg and cajole and promise the ultimate in favorite bribe candy- M&Ms. (Which he calls mnmnmnmneems, which oh my god, is so riddiculously cute.)
Last night I lied and told him the microscopic bit of meatloaf bite on my fork was a cracker and if he would just try it, I'd break out the candy bag. After three or four pleas he tried it. He opened his mouth wide and leaned in but rejected it when the first hint of spaghetti sauce touched his lips.
I am worried and I am not happy.
