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June 20, 2006

Comments

Colleen

I'm so sorry about what happened to your OB. My sister lost her second child at 18 weeks with no explanation and it was the most difficult time of her life.

I've been thinking a lot about this topic lately as I await my slightly overdue period. My husband doesn't want any more children (we have one together and he has two teenagers from a previous marriage), but I'm not so sure I'm done having kids. We're not trying to get pregnant, but I find myself wondering, "What if I was?"

I'm 35 and my OB told me the same thing two months ago, that I have plenty of time. But what I realized yesterday as I pondered this and what was underscored for me in your post is that no matter what happens (healthy pregnancy, risky pregnancy or no pregnancy) I need to be open to accepting it. We may only have our daughter. Or, we could have a second child. Or, I could miscarry during an unplanned pregnancy. Some of these scenarios (well, maybe all of them) scare me. But since I can't control things, I have to just let them happen as they will. Although I, too, worry about what would happen to my marriage if we had a second child.

Sometimes being open and willing to accept what comes our way can be comforting. The relaxation of letting go might be a nice way to feel.

Binky

I think that objective decisions go out the window when parenthood is involved. Like you said, it's all too random and unknowable. All you can do is give the issue careful attention and go with what feels right. I will be looking forward to following your thought process on this.

bubandpie

It has been such a shock to me to realize how much suffering we go through just to have our children - the infertility, the miscarriages, the preterm births... My heart just aches for your OB right now.

One thing to keep in mind is that there is an elevated risk of preterm birth when one pregnancy follows so closely upon another (a fact I'm glad I DIDN'T know while I was pregnant the second time, less than a year after giving birth). They say that it's safest to wait a minimum of 18 months before conceiving again. So don't feel like you have to rush.

Mayberry

How very, terribly sad. Echo bubandpie... this stuff is so much harder than we once thought! Best of luck as you wrestle with it. For what it's worth, I did not feel at all ready to try to conceive my second until my first was 2 years old.

Stacy

It's just like you said, none of it is in your control. you can do everything right ~ take all the right vitamins, eat healthy, exercise, yada, yada, yada, but things can still go awry. That's what my mom always told me. But she also said you have to listen to your heart. Really listen. If it's telling you to wait, then wait.

SMIT

It is scary. My co-worker just found out she's pregnant (they weren't planning to have another child) and will be 40 when the baby is born. She's struggling with the same kinds of worry issues about the baby's health and her age.

Michele

Oh Amy, I am so sad for your OB and completely understand all of the feelings it dredged up in you.
It's a crapshoot, no matter how well informed and careful and prepared you are, you still have no final control over what happens. I think everything about parenting is a huge leap of faith. We want more kids, but it will definitely only happen with IVF. I look at my gorgeous healthy boys and scare the shit out of myself thinking that we are SO LUCKY to have what we have, are we tempting fate by expecting more...?

But then I think about them growing up and away from us, or I see a tiny newborn and my uterus just lunges and I know I will take the leap of faith again.

Her Bad Mother

I think about this every day. EVERY DAY. Wrestle with it every day. And I agree with every issue that you raise. And I can't decide.

(And? Bubandpie? I did not know the 18 month thing!)

I've got a post coming about this. When it comes, I'll link back here.

Naomi

Child spacing is such a contentious topic. I am currently expecting our second. My two will be 22 months apart.

That's REALLY close, I think. I am also fighting the age thing, and I really did want the kids to be 2 school years apart. That was limiting, considering nunber one was born at the end of December.

I hear of people with children much closer together then mine will be, and I wonder how they managed. I wonder how I will manage.

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